


I turn the other way

by meowmamia



Series: Tacet [1]
Category: TSV - Fandom, TwoSet, Twosetviolin, Video Blogging RPF, twoset violin
Genre: Angst, F/M, Heartache, M/M, Pining, Smoking, bubble tea, he knows, yes it hurt very much writing this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 21:29:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29196114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meowmamia/pseuds/meowmamia
Summary: Now I could tell him, but it could be too much.Now I could tell him the truth and reveal everything once for all, stopping to play with the indifference.Right now, in this exact moment, I could break my years of silence, just saying how things are.
Relationships: Eddy Chen & Brett Yang
Series: Tacet [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2143533
Kudos: 1





	I turn the other way

She returns him the bubble tea, letting the cup slide on the surface of the table, and he grabs it before it can spill everywhere.

"Are you dumb or what?" he says laughing.

He brings the straw to his lips to sip, without lifting the cup, and when he starts to drink he notices I'm looking at him.

"Are you alright?" he asks me with the straw leaning on the bottom lip, without even worrying about lifting the head and sitting down properly. "You're a bit absent-minded."

Now I could tell him, but it could be too much.

Now I could tell him the truth and reveal everything once for all, stopping to play with the indifference.

Right now, in this exact moment, I could break my years of silence, just saying how things are.

That's it: just saying how things are.

Right now, when I feel like I have a big power in me.

I feel the arrogance of what I'd like to say spreading in my body, exploding under the skin, trembling through my vertebrae.

I feel that I want to reply and break every routine.

I don't know why I feel like this, after all this time, right when he looks at me with the straw leaning on his bottom lip, with the disinterested air of who doesn't expect anything different from the usual, the air of who takes for granted that everything will always stay the same.

I can't take with me anymore the thought that everything won't always stay the same.

I want it to be felt, I want it to be known, I want it to be seen.

Now I could destroy thousands of moments in which I pretended nothing happened, just opening my mouth and letting the words come out. I could do it and enjoy the view of their shocked faces.

Now I could start screaming, right now, in this crowd of people that don't expect it at all, causing a violent rupture in their bubble of normality they are in.

All the people sitting around us, in other tables, would immediately turn their faces to look at me. they'd look at me with the hindrance of who's just witnessed a scandal, assuming the posture of who'd never do that here, right now.

All the people sitting around us would finally hear my truth, stopping for one minute their actions that lose every power in front of my cry.

Now I could decide to overturn every conviction, every expectation, every certain fact. I could simply do it by saying how things are. That's all.

Now I could expose every excuse that I invented to mask my love frenzy.

Because I'm sick of this.

I can't just see him, it was never enough.

I can't live just _some_ of my hours with him.

Since we met, for me it wasn't enough to be just seen, I wanted to _belong_ to him.

Now I could give voice to the hurry of breaking the wall of diversions that separate us. I could tell him my ridiculous and radical confession.

Now, right now, I could tell him what I've always wanted to say.

Starting from the fact that when he and she are next to each other, I hate them. That I sneakily look at them even if I don't want to and that I hate them every time I do it.

Also when they don't choose to be near but they end up being so, I hate them.

Just like now, they are sitting in front of each other, at the opposite parts of the table, near me, and they don't do anything but somehow reach each other.

I hate them when they don't do anything but they somehow reach each other.

I _always_ hate them, in every situation. When they're near each other, when they're both present.

I hate them when they order the same dish because they have the same taste, I hate them when they both want to play the same song, I hate them when they drink from the same bottle, I hate them when they arrive together, I hate them when they gently hit each other to annoy each other while we're waiting for our orders, I hate them when they move away from our group of friends and they make us notice it, I hate them when they call each other by name, I hate them when they laugh for the same reason.

I hate them like anything else when they laugh for the same reason.

It's the worst thing that I can see when they laugh for the same reason.

I don't know any other image that kills me more than them laughing for the same reason.

And it's exactly what has happened a few seconds ago, right here, in front of my eyes.

He has passed her his bubble tea, she's taken a sip from the same straw and then she's said: "It remembers me of the sea".

He's looked at her, dazed, tilting his head and furrowing his brows.

"What do you mean?" he's asked. "What does it mean that it remembers you of the sea?"

"That you've ordered a salted bubble tea!" she's answered, teasing him.

At that moment he's started to laugh, right next to me, and I've reached the limit.

She returned him the bubble tea, making it slide on the table, he scolded her kidding and then, when he saw that I was looking at him, he dared to ask me if everything was alright, without even detaching his lips from the straw or sitting properly.

He dared to tell me that he sees me "a bit absent-minded".

I've really reached the limit now.

I can't stay aside anymore.

I can't let everything pass.

I've held everything for enough time and I want it to be known by everyone. I want everyone to see that I've held back everything enough and that now I've reached the point beyond which it's not possible to hold everything anymore, beyond which I can't hurt anymore.

I don't care about what will happen, I don't care about what was happening until now, I don't care about what everyone will see, I don't care about anyone. I care about myself.

I look at him straight in his eyes, maybe I was already doing it, as if I want to stab him with my thoughts and stick them in his mind.

"You're killing me", I tell him.

His lips detach from the straw, his eyes are wide because his ears have just listened to big words. He lifts his head, realigning it to his body.

Our side of the table falls silent, in the space that exists between me and him, while the others don't notice anything, while everything around us keeps going relentless.

I'm immobile, frozen on the wooden chair.

I can only feel my heartbeat.

I can only see him staring at me, breathless.

The day I've been waiting for ages has come.

He moves to take the backpack he had put under the table. He rummages through it with an irritating calmness and takes out a pack of cigarettes.

"Do you want one?" he asks, handing it out.

I don't answer. I've already said too much.

He takes a cigarette, he brings it to his lips, he lights it up, replaces the pack in the rucksack that he finally puts back under the table.

He looks at me, takes a drag, blows the smoke turning the head to not blow it to my face and he looks at me again. He looks at me like he's never done it before.

He shakes his head like dispelling some thoughts and takes a drag again.

He looks at me again, in the eyes, and this time I'm the one feeling like he's stabbing my head with his thoughts.

My forehead pulsates.

My heartbeats are fast.

My stomach twists.

He takes a breath: "Listen, Eddy, I..."

He doesn't have the time to end the sentence because she interferes: "Brett, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm okay", he answers, looking away from me.

He turns back to her and I turn the other way.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic I've ever written, so I apologise if there's something unclear.  
> I hope you liked it!


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